A Girl's Life
by bluewingedangel81
Summary: Draco Malfoy is dared to dress as a girl for an year! Not really much to say, I own nothing. Crack fic, no pairings.


_Hello! It's bluewingedangel81! This is my first attempt at a novel parody so please be nice!_

Chapter 1: Cross dressing- it's not a crime

The four Slytherins sat in their common room, after a particularly tiring lesson of History of Magic. Draco Malfoy had not caught a word of Professor Binns teachings, infact he had spent the whole lesson plotting revenge against Potter.

Deciding not to start his homework on goblin rebellions, since he hadn't been listening in the first place- besides he could always bluff a last minute one like he always did. Instead, he pulled out the roll of parchment he had been plotting on during the lesson and scanned the five foot long scroll whilst cooking up other creative plans for revenge. As his list became longer and longer- his ideas became more and more bizarre and impossible. He had just finished writing down- Dung bomb him in the toilet and then tape him to it', (even though he really had no desire o see that Potter's-er-private bits whilst he is doing his business. But he wasn't thinking, anyway- that's not the point), when Crabbe interrupted his crazy, impossible dream. 'I'm bored.'

'Well what do you expect me to do about it!' he cried angrily, not liking to be disturbed whilst he was being evil, Crabbe- being dim as he was often complaining, yet never did anything about it, since he was too dumb to occupy himself with anything.

'Why don't we play a game?' Pansy suggested, Draco had never really liked that girl. Well maybe he liked her at a point butafter- well, catching her in the bathroom while rolling in his used underwear- was rather scarring and disturbing…

Draco agreed but only because he couldn't think of anything more to write. He was sure he had thought up every possible, (and might I add _impossible_) way of torturing his enemy, Harry. 'OK, lets play 'Truth or Dare.'

Crabbe and Goyle agreed but only half heartedly. They had never been good at Truth or Dare and might I add any type of game that required thinking. It was just too hard to think up an embarrassing question or cook up an evil dare…

'I'll start first,' Pansy Parkinson squealed excitedly, Draco mentally face-palmed. Geez, had that girl struck puberty yet? Why was her voice so $#*ing HIGH?

'Goyle, Truth or Dare?' she asked. Goyle considered for a while. 'Truth,' he said in his dull voice.

'OK, do you still sleep with Mr Cookies?' she asked evilly, 'No lies either.'

Goyle's face turned a noticeable red. Mr Cookies was this really old teddy bear that Draco had fished out of his section of Goyle's section of the wardrobe. It was really tattered, one beady black eye was missing and the faded red T-shirt it was wearing looked like it was burnt at the left. It also smelt strongly of chocolate, sweat, drool and other things that he didn't even want to think about. After all Draco had seen him _hump _it in his sleep.

Goyle was silent for a while before muttering a small, 'Yes.'

Everyone burst out laughing, even Crabbe added in his dull chuckle. 'Alright, it's your turn now,' Pansy said. Goyle sighed, hated Truth or Dare, as he could never think up a Question or a Dare.

'Draco, truth or dare?' he asked.

'Truth,' Draco replied automatically.

Goyle thought for a while then the wheels in his brain finally turned into place. 'Do you ever masturbate in your bed?'

Malfoy turned bright red as everyone smirked. 'I-I mean dare.'

Goyle sighed again for the second time, he had spent _that _much energy thinking up a question and now he had to think up a dare? He stared around the common room for a sign of inspiration. His eyes landed on Milcent Bulstrode who was trying on this new dress that her mother had sent her. It was bright pink- almost fluoro, had frilly trim on the trim and on the puffy sleeves, but worst of all were the frilly pink ribbons sewn on it. Goyle thought that she looked rather like a bull frog in a dress.

'Draco, I dare you to dress up as a girl for the rest of this school year,' he said triumphantly. There was a very awkward silence which was interrupted by Pansy.

'Well? Guys, you do realise that gay babies are being born this very second,' Pansy said.

'N-No! That's $#*ing stupid! I mean, that's childish!' Draco said, trying and failing to regain the composure that Goyle had just stolen from him.

'Yes, I agree with Draco, that's stupid,' Pansy said quickly.

'Or are you…' Crabbe spoke for the first time during this fic, everyone perked up with surprise, 'What? Or are you a CHICKEN!'

Draco flushed purple with anger, 'I'm no chicken! Don't compare me to that Muggle loving Potter freak!' he shook with anger. 'Hand me a dress, Pansy!'

Pansy was rather taken aback but hurried of anyway, she returned with a blond wig, make up and a short black dress. Draco grabbed them and ran of up to his dorm to dress, after all, he didn't want everyone to see him in a dress, it would be a shame to the family name.

He had a little difficulty with the dress, Pansy was a rather small person and he had to suck in his chest to pull up the zipper. The dress was so tight, he found that his lungs were lacking air and he had to use his mouth as a breathing tool.

Just as he had pulled on the wig and clumsily put on some make up. He spent several minutes, learning how to open the lipstick tube, put on some eyeliner and mascara when Zabani burst in through the door. Draco heard a very high pitched scream and was very embarrassed to find that it had come from his own mouth.

Zabani , stared in shock for a second. ' WHAT THE $#*.'

'It's not what you think!' he yelled hurriedly, yet his voice still remained rather high pitched.

'Hey, sexy, what's a total babe like you doing in the boy's dorm?'

Draco's eyelid twitched and resisted the strong urge to faint.

_Well, what do you think? Please leave a warm review and state any ideas if you have any!_

_Ciao ^^_


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